geezer

A New Hope

Well,

the time has come to leave Washington DC. Though I've always thought of Jerusalem as my "second city" after London, I suppose, in all truth, it is Washington. It's hard to summon up feelings of regret as I leave. That doesn't mean it's been unpleasant here - in fact, any hardships I suffered here were of my own creation - it's just been a time of isolation and unease. Isolation had one up-side; Maria and I had a whole eighteen months of glorious together time to get to know each other and grow together. I think she would agree that she's much better now ... ;-)

Now I'm in trouble - even that emoticon won't save me :-0

The only other thing that has been a pleasure has been getting under the skin of the Imperial capital at this auspicious time. Everyone knows where they were when 9/11 happened. I happened to be in a pub, the Hobgoblin on New Cross high street, finishing off a boozy lunch with my confederate Dave Flindall. Months later I was in the US watching Dubya give the Axis of Evil speech from an airbase in Alabama. In the 32 months since then, I've spent just over 26 in the US, most of that in DC. In that time, we've seen the Taliban booted out of power and the US/UK bloc wade into Iraq. It's been one mania after another - first terror-mania, then Iraq-mania, and then election-mania. I've spent loads of time sitting behind Rumsfeld and the other administration goons at Senate hearings, earwigging on their conversations. I've been in a lot of the closed-door meetings that were worth being at. I've been I guess it's been fun. I'm certainly all worn out with politics. They can all just stick it up their butts. I'm going for a pint.

This is my new philosophy; the pub, my new lodestone.

Looking forward to Greenwhich. Looking forward to running and sitting in Greenwich Park. Looking forward to reading books ... for fun! Looking forward to anticipating having brilliant thoughts and being surprised when I don't manage to have any. Most of all looking forward to having the gang/crew around me. It gets harder to make friends as you get older - that I've really learned here - especially when everyone is as busy as you. I reckon I've met a couple of people that I'd have spent time with if we were all on "London time," but it's different here. Hectic, transitory, remote. Goodbye to all that. Bring on the long lazy Saturdays lounging with old friends,

We've earned it.

Radical Dance Faction (RDF)

Cruising the Internet. It's 0158hrs. Nearly bedtime, but need to unwind a little. And what do I find, but sweet memories at a Radical Dance Faction (RDF) website. Check it out, there are downloads ...

Lots of reminiscences from people who had been to RDF gigs. Liked the following:

Name: Clive City Dunedin N.Z. Sent: 15.28 - 29/4

Saw the band a few times at Fordham Park Deptford,Ahh lost weekends.
Best gig of my life at the Canterbury Arms Brixton,if you where there you'd know,Guiness 1.30 a pint,the ohm hit just after the first one,it could'nt get better.

Right on Clive - yet another good Kiwi.

Name: nab City london london Sent: 08.41 - 18/4

Things have changed, but the need to strop at the powers that be are the same ... Eat the rich? Class War? Most of the folk I know that writhed along to RDF are knocking their tubes out for a pension - but it doesn't make what is going on now right. Speak up, speak out - take back what you pay for: control.

Nice closing line there. Makes me smile ... and want to get my "ready to riot" T-Shirt out for the band that threw me into "the deep end of left wing politics" before I learned to swim.

RDF were a dark moody dub outfit, with a scary geezer on lead vocals, and a lovely sometimes there/sometimes not female vocalist called Linda Goodman who complemented his worn out voice just right.

Here they are, minus the bird ...

Then have a butcher's at this. A picture of me back in the RDF days at the well-known, and often disparaged Sanford Housing Cooperative, wearing full NBC smock, and, if I am not mistaken, carrying a can of Holsten Pils from Sam's shop round the corner to tide me over until we reached the train station ...

Back in the hood

So, I just got back from the UK after a short hop over for the Bank Holiday weekend. A very special trip too, as the Bird and I checked out the venue for our wedding in Cornwall. We visited it exactly a year from our wedding date of 30 April 2005 - our minus-one year anniversary, so to speak.

Look what I found in the rear defensive trench! Talk about Pirates of Penzance!

I'll go into it in more depth elsewhere - our wedding website is soon to be online - but it was a lovely trip, hiking around atmospheric and windswept Cornwall, scouting local pubs and B&B, checking out the fort, and then wrapping up in London, linking up with our old chum Nik for pints at the Mayflower on the Thames.

I could not stop grinning when a lady at the fort mentioned that we could have a "Cornish blessing" at the wedding if we wished. Ha. The old ways are still strong down there. I can feel it in my bones. It's going to be a good Beltane in 2005.

See some new piccies in the "My Bird and Me" thread.

Periscope depth

Just a quick note to say that I am back. Back from a brief trip to Britain and back to my blog. Months since my last posting, inspiration is still lacking, but something is churning inside. The money keeps flowing in, the wolf is about as far from the door as he is ever likely to get, but the sense of mission is still elusive.

Can I just live as a provider and facilitator for my offspring, as a good partner, as a consumer who helps keep the wheels of world commerce churning - each good and productive roles - or what more should there be to my life?

Is it yet possible for me to live another life as well? Can I have my [domestic bliss] cake, and eat it [creativity, danger, uncertainty] too?

Transition, beginnings, are not like the flicking of a light switch. They happen over time, without us noticing. So, to return to the theme of my blog: As I start my 30s, I sense something beginning. What is the nature of this Beginning? What must end to give birth to this Beginning?

Fellowship

The thing I miss most about Britain is undoubtedly my friends and family, something I'll always have to reconcile with my love of travelling. In particular, I'm really missing my mate Jamie right now (see picture below). Here's to you, old man!

And even though he's only in New York, I'm missing my man Ed too. Catch the picture of him relaxing in Goreme in Turkey - a golden time.

When the three of us are united once more, then it will be a happy day. As I've often said, I may not have good taste in many things, but I've always had good taste in friends.

PS New photos in the Early Travels and Levant albums.

Blair Factor

You gotta love Tony Blair. I'm going to seriously miss the Blair factor when I head home and become just another Brit again. Nice shot of Blair, Queenie, and Homer.

Who will rid me of these troublesome options? ...

Man, wanna know how I feel today. Check this out ...

Yeah, that's how I feel. Been there before, last time I was this little guy you see here. Feeling a bit blue. Too many options.

Getting back to my theme of The Beginning, that thing that's happening to me. I'm starting to think that The Beginning that marks the end of childhood and the start of adulthood really sucks. Feels just like adolescence. The period of change and flux is really uncomfortable - I'm in chrysalis form. Makes me think that I don't long to hold on to my old life - my roaring twenties, my rootless years - but that I'm yearning for the settled future that I hope lies ahead. Some days, it just can't happen fast enough. I want the choices to go away. We strive to give ourselves options, but they're very unnatural things. And what with me being a Brit, and Maria being an American, we've got a whole host of Anglo-American issues too. Our two countries (or more pertinently our families and friends) are entirely too far apart for my liking, and neither country seems to fit us just right in every way. In the words of the old American proverb: "whatcha gonna do?"

Endure.

Improvise, overcome, and adapt.

and decide.

Blighty

My Blighty category will discuss thoughts and feelings about home. I wonder what it'll be like going back to London. I miss Britain, I miss Europe generally. But will I miss DC and America when I'm back? Do I really want to live in London? Being here in America is sharpening up my sense of what I love about the UK. When I'm back there from next summer, I'll also be able to record the things that I havn't missed and the things that drive me crazy. Maria will also be in a position to judge the merits of both. Then, and only then, will we be able to tackle the Big Question:

If we decide to settle outselves predominantly in one country, should it be the US, the UK, or somewhere else?

The Beginning

This is a beginning, but not The Beginning that I'm going to write about. The Beginning that this blog will talk about is something I think a lot about. By 'The Beginning', I'm referring to something that I feel slowly happening to me - the start of my real adult life, the start of a lifelong relationship, the start of a family, the start of a career. At the same time, it feels like the end of something - the end of my real pre-adult life, the end of singlehood, the end of selfishness, the end of childhood, the end of directionless wandering.

As I write, I can't help but feel self-conscious. But fuck it! I find myself interesting. At least I have that in common with other bloggers. I'm a Brit. I'm 30. I live and work in Washingtion DC. I come from London. I live with my American girlfriend, Maria. We're serious about each other. I have a great crew of friends in London, and I miss them a lot. I'm very close to my family. I work in journalism and consultancy dealing with Middle East security. I'm a nerd - always was - I roleplay (you know, like Dungeons and Dragons), I play wargames, I daydream a lot and I love sci-fi and horror films. I'm very romantic. I like to break rules - I hate being told off. I used to be a workaholic, but now I'm a lazy bastard. I still have the expectation that I should be a big success, but I feel like I'm running out of steam. I run up against rules a lot - I find the moral codes and legal rules here in the US really infuriating. I like to travel to dangerous places. I'd probably have loved to be a spy - but like a lot of things, I never stuck with any one path for long enough to make it a reality.

I'm young, healthy, white, and well-educated - I have the luxury of choices. This blog is about those choices.